The Stages Fibromyalgia Suffers Go Through
by Darla Beamon
Lately I have seen a number of people who have just
been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Any time that those of us whom have been
living with the disease can share the less frightening it will be. Having said that I want to discuss the stages
I believe we go through. It is important to interpret
the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat
progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is a lot of taking
two steps forward and then a step back or stages can come all at once, or occur
out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? The reason is that they
are a good general guide of what to expect. Those outside of fibromyalgia aren’t
going to understand this. They tell us a
number of things that we would do if we could. The problem is that what they
tell you, i.e. “you need to lose weight, you need to exercise, you need to just
get over it and my favorite, and it’s all in your head.” What they don’t understand is that
fibromyalgia robs us of the life we once knew, planned, and participated in. After
all we still look the same to them and most of us put on our “game” face. The
truth is that sadness is a normal response to a normal occurrence. After all, we
can’t do some things that we were able to do with ease. So we do what we can,
we modify what we do. I used to be able to go shopping all day long. Now I am
lucky if I can go for an hour. It is very important that we face this head on
and not use other things to make us feel better. Wondering what we did to get
this disease is futile; the medical field has just begun to understand it. They have much more to do before we have a
clearer understanding ourselves. I believe giving it up to God helps to get
through the stages easier. Giving
yourself to God (or what you might call your higher power) doesn’t mean you won’t
go through the stages, but it will give you some comfort and senses of peace as
you do. The second phase is pain and
guilt. In this case we already have the
pain and most have had it years before being diagnosed. However the pain gets
more intense. Let yourself feel it…give yourself permission to lie down and
rest. As we try to understand this disease, we feel guilty. If I had only eaten
better, exercised more, etc. thoughts come into our mind. We blame ourselves
for getting sick. We become frustrated and that eventually turns
to anger. We want to know why, why me, or we try bargaining. I’ll do this God
if you just make it all go away. This is
the stage some stuff their emotions. It is important that you allow yourself to
feel whatever you need to help get oneself where we are able to have an
enjoyable life. Once we get over the anger our emotions turn
to depression, loneliness and a time of reflection. Depression and loneliness
come from isolating oneself. After all
it is easier than to face the naysayers.
Depression can also set in when one reflects on the things you can no
longer do. You are still trying to
accept the illness. This is a time when we need to be careful as we can feel despair
and emptiness…leading into a deeper depression.
Just when we think we cannot take it anymore we become to some terms of
acceptance. You feel calmer about having to change things in your life. We tend
to be less depressed. We haven’t reached a point of happiness yet, but we can
begin to see the light. Next is the
movement forward, we can think a bit clearer and start tackling life. We decide
how we will change your lifestyle, including finances. Finally we go to the stage of acceptance.
That does not mean we are all of a sudden the happy little camper…Due to the symptoms
we have experienced we cannot go back to before. Some people confuse "acceptance"
with "giving up," but acceptance actually is a way of looking at our
life and allows us to set reachable goals. So, yes, we will find a
way to move forward and create a happy life for our self. When we can say, "I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm not
where I used to be. I'm OK, and I'm on my way!" by
Joyce Meyer then we know we have begun to accept this disease and adjust accordingly.
Resources:
2. How Acceptance Can
Help With Managing Your Illness
Updated March 16, 2011
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